What should I think?

[Cujobob]

Hey guys..

My gf has known this guy online for about 5 years and he's a really good friend of hers (from playing MMORPGs and such). It's never been anything other than an online friendship (IM, games, Skype, and some texting), but today she asks me if it's cool if she meets him for lunch and to go to Cedar Point. I told her that I feel there are certain things you don't do to make the person you're dating uncomfortable...and I told her that it made me uncomfortable since he knew somewhat intimate details about her. She and I have only been together half a year, but we've become very close. Unfortunately, she's pretty upset because I'm against it. She asks for me to trust her, obviously, but to me, I'm more upset that she'd even ask that question. He lives somewhere in Canada and we're in Michigan.

Is this a situation you'd give in to and show her that trust? Or would you find it unacceptable? I want to be fair, but at the same time, I don't want to set an awful precedent when I feel that it is a bit inappropriate. I'm somewhat old fashioned, I suppose...I feel that if I think it'd be inappropriate for me to meet a girl when the situation were reversed, then it's not appropriate the other way around. It's a personal, moral decision, I suppose...and it'll vary.



Thanks,



Dave

[EddyZ]

Cedar Point, huh! He wants her to ride the "Magnum", or go for a "Top Thrill!:nervous:

Seriously, I don't think that's appropriate. Being friends online is one thing, but when you cross that line from cyberspace to real-space, it is, in my view, a date. Tell your girlfriend you want to meet an online friend, who happens to be female, just to have a good time at an amusement park, and you had better duck. Some women will even view online friendships of men and women as threatening. My ex became very angry once when I mentioned to here that I confided in a male friend, feeling that the intamacy of keeping certain things between us was lost.

If she values your relationship, then she should never intentionally make you feel uncomfortable with any situation.

[fanuminski]

that's a tough one. I've several female email "friends" that
I've had for years, and they are nothing more than that.
If I lived closer to them, or had the opportunity to stop
in and visit them whilst in their area, I would wonder what
my wife would think of it. She wouldn't like it.
And, I guess I wouldn't blame her. I also wouldn't want
to put her in that position - like your GF has done to you.
You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
With that said, I don't think you should "forbid" her from meeting
him. You've expressed your feelings - it should now be
up to her if she intends to go through with it.
Either way, if you and her are "meant to be",
the trust needs to be there.
just imo,
Mike

[Cujobob]

I never forbid her...she asked if she could and I told her I'd be uncomfortable with it. I've been in classes where girls have asked me to go to lunch and I even feel that's inappropriate unless it's a well established friend.

She and him are very close and tell each other everything and he's basically her closest friend next to me but has known her longer. If it was a casual acquaintance, it'd be a bit different. I suppose I don't see a reason to take it passed online virtual friendship that is worth causing trouble.

It's a unique situation and I'm really unsure of how to properly handle it. You have to be smart in a relationship if you want it to succeed and putting the other person in uncomfortable situations certainly does seem like a risk.

[arthurs]

I don't think it's cool for her to put you in this position, but since she has.....

My brain works a little different than most. I would say "sounds great, when are we going?" I'd like to meet your friend too!" Any answer from her other than "that's really great honey, I'm glad you want to meet him" would be reason for me to be concerned....

[Sandbagger]

:plusone:

Or you could say" its been a long time since I have been to Cedar Point, we should both go" and if she pauses one bit, I hate to say it but, to the curb..... with her stuff while she is gone!!!

[dvenardos]

Keep in mind this is me giving relationship advice. :crazy:
This pretty much sounds like your only option at this point if you want to keep her. Maybe something like, "Sorry, I got upset babe I was just feeling a little jealous. Maybe we can all get together sometime?" If she is going to cheat there is nothing that you can do and you should be with someone else, but if that is not what she is feeling then you guys all need to become friends.

My brain works a little different than most. I would say "sounds great, when are we going?" I'd like to meet your friend too!" Any answer from her other than "that's really great honey, I'm glad you want to meet him" would be reason for me to be concerned....

[Fancypants]

I like dvenardos' suggestion of appologizing, it gives you a little bit of moral captial in the situation.

Whether you ask to go with or not is up to you.

I am personally of the mind that you should let her go alone, if anything happens, then it wasn't meant to be anyway. That said, if it makes you uncomforatable, then it makes you uncomforatable and that is how you feel. I think talking about it calmly like adults is the best thing that can happen. If that results in her going, not going, or going with you, that is TBD.

[tthurman]

I agree with EddyZ!

I would use arthurs approach though and depending on the reaction....follow sandbagger's advice. Wow did I really say that!

[gonk]

I don't think it's cool for her to put you in this position, but since she has.....

My brain works a little different than most. I would say "sounds great, when are we going?" I'd like to meet your friend too!" Any answer from her other than "that's really great honey, I'm glad you want to meet him" would be reason for me to be concerned....

The same thought occurred to me. My wife has on many occasions invited me to join her and her co-workers when they get together after work for a drink. It's not as a way to keep me from feeling uncomfortable - we've been together for over a decade now and have a very secure relationship - but mostly because she has more fun if I'm also there. If one of us is invited to a party or other event, she prefers that we both at least be welcome to attend (even if the other person can't go for some other reason, like the grand opening of a new law school that I worked on - the office paid for my $250 ticket and tux rental, but we weren't going to pay that for her to come with me). If you are welcome to attend, that supports the idea she's interested in meeting this long-time friend for purely platonic reasons.

[Sandbagger]

I had to quote that for prosperity sake!!!!! "thumbsup:

I agree with EddyZ!

I would use arthurs approach though and depending on the reaction....follow sandbagger's advice. Wow did I really say that!

[arthurs]

I would use arthurs approach though and depending on the reaction....follow sandbagger's advice. Wow did I really say that!

On both counts.....

[Mep]

Well she is an adult and can do what she likes and doesn't need your permission to go. With that said if she didn't invite you along then it sounds like she has a date and you two are done. Unfortunetly it is as simple as that. The fact she wants to go is what is important and even if she doesn't go now, she will eventually without your knowledge.

[persisting1]

She's been honest with you up until this point, so why wouldn't you trust her?

Let her have a friend. You don't want to push her away. I'm not the jealous type, so maybe you shouldn't listen to me.

[persisting1]

We really don't know all the details. It could be 100% platonic friendship. The guy could be gay for all we know.