Told off the ex-wife

[dvenardos]

Getting ready to go camping with the kids this weekend with the kids and I get this pissy email from their mother that "she" doesn't mind buying their school shoes but they get worn out when so fast when they go hiking in them and could I make sure they have hiking shoes.

Well, I used to take the kids hiking a lot and those crappy vans that she always get them aren't good for anything but skateboarding, so I buy them good running shoes from a quality kids shoe store (read c-note to get out the door) and they wear those when we go hiking except for when they wear them over to their mother's and don't come back with them and we happen to go hiking. So, I mention the above leaving out the part about that the shoes she buys are only good for looks anyway and mention that we haven't been hiking in quite some time.

So, I get back an even pissier email saying that my son's shoes wore out and my daughter's she outgrew (true, this years shoes my daughter grew out of quickly and she threw out my sons) and "she" buys their school shoes and to make sure that I buy them hiking shoes. The ultimate diplomat and genuine asshole that I am, I tell here that while it may seem like she is spending money on the kids that in fact she hasn't spent a penny until the monthly expense is greater than $417 which comes straight out of my pocket, not to mention the childcare, and college savings, and that, in fact, she pays practically nothing for her children and we haven't been hiking since their shoes wore out.

I am going to be a popular guy. :assshake:

BTW, I have 50/50 custody...

[graphicguy]

That's a tough row to hoe. I do feel for you. Went through that for a lot of years with my son.....same 50-50 shared parenting deal. Same "*****ing" about the dumbest things. Frustrating as hell.

But, you keep asking yourself (I kept asking myself), what's best for my son?

If it took me to buy the correct shoes, or clothes, so be it.....over and over, again, sometimes weekly.

I feel for you, dude. It's a tough slog. Too many personal issues between mom & dad that can affect the kids....even though you're no longer together.

Finally, it got to the point where my son was spending so much time with me (much more than 50-50), and he was so miserable being in the middle of these dirty mini-wars between his Mother and me, that I decided to go for full custody.

It's not an easy thing to do....especially for a man. But, in my heart, I felt he was better (much better) off with me as sole custodian that he was with the 50-50 arrangement. The courts agreed. Things smoothed out after that. Of course, it helped that she moved far away after that.

I've always felt that if you took money out of the equation (as in child support and/or alimony), that the domestic relations courts would go begging for their survival. You can't force a parent to want to do what's right by their children, at least not financially, and certainly not through the courts. Should they? Absolutely! But, if someone's not willing to provide the support (financial, parental) that everyone's child deserves, you certainly aren't going to be able to force them to do so.

You can collect money out of a parent's paycheck, you can even put them in jail for not being a responsible parent. That's not what the child needs. They need the care, concern and guidance that only a responsible parent can give. Once you have that, the rest falls into place. Can't be done through the courts, though.

[dvenardos]

Thanks, I appreciate it.
Needed to ***** and normally their mother and I don't ever see each other and I try to make sure to be supportive of her to the kids. Sometimes, however, it just drives you :crazy:

[graphicguy]

Thanks, I appreciate it.
Needed to ***** and normally their mother and I don't ever see each other and I try to make sure to be supportive of her to the kids. Sometimes, however, it just drives you :crazy:

Dude....I understand. Some days you just "wanna holla". Money, possessions, and even the child(rens) psyche are used to undermine the opposite party. They should be focused on the big picture....do what's best for the children, not what mundane and/or petty things that can be done to hurt the other parent.

Got my support (for what it's worth).:boxer:

[etcarroll]

In 4 years my only child leaves for college, and I told the wife I'm out the door behind him.

We did a years worth of marriage counseling, and though I found it usefull, it couldn't fix things. I told the counselor I wasn't leaving my son home alone with my wife in his teen years, she's just mess up his head. So I'm counting down the time.

[JamesK]

Be careful with that timing. I had a classmate whose parents waited till he graduated and divorced the week after. It left him a bit messed up and thinking about it for years.

[Jason]

Thanks, I appreciate it.
Needed to ***** and normally their mother and I don't ever see each other and I try to make sure to be supportive of her to the kids. Sometimes, however, it just drives you :crazy:

Totally get it....

I have my stepson and our daughter. It gets real hard to bite my tongue when she call me to tell me how/what kind of light I should be painting her in. I get *****ed at when I don't have them call her on a regular basis. WTF?? Why do I have to initiate the call??

Anyway, this is your thread to let it out...not mine..

[dvenardos]

Hey Jason, its our thread. Frustrated single dads. :thumbsup:

Off to go camping this weekend and forget about this stuff. Have a great weekend guys.

[graphicguy]

Hey Jason, its our thread. Frustrated single dads. :thumbsup:

Off to go camping this weekend and forget about this stuff. Have a great weekend guys.

Have fun with your kids. Be a DAD! That's what's most important!

[arthurs]

Have fun this weekend, be a kid yourself! Your kids will love that!

I got even with my ex, I remarried her and have made her live with me for 17 more years so far...:applause:

[Ajax]

LOL! Now THAT'S gettin' even. :rlmfao:

[etcarroll]

Have fun this weekend, be a kid yourself! Your kids will love that!

I got even with my ex, I remarried her and have made her live with me for 17 more years so far...:applause:

I've simply never, EVER understood guys who do that.

[arthurs]

I've simply never, EVER understood guys who do that.

That's cool, I think it depends a lot on your own experience and how bitter or painful it was. That I understand it is the important part in my marriage.

We had 5 years where we couldn't figure it out, 5 years apart to figure it out, and 17 years now applying what we both learned. Our divorce wasn't really very bad or nasty, it was more matter of fact once we recognized we loved each other but could't figure out how to live together effectively. We both stayed focused on our Daughter being okay during and after we got divorced, and there was no real battle over money or assets we just quickly agreed on an even split and a simple number for child support....we still saw each other and talked to each other, the rest just fell back into place once we both matured a bit and realized how much we loved each other and how stupid we had both behaved in some instances....

[Lyor]

Blood Money...

I paid my wife "chid" support until son was 18 but the last "five" years she allowed him to live with me, as long as she got her "blood" money monthly. Best investment I ever made!!!!

[etcarroll]

That I understand it is the important part in my marriage.

I wouldn't argue with that...........

I've always been a firm believer in "to each his own".

Even when I don't get it.